Sunday, January 04, 2009

pink raincoat

2009 is now here.


it still is delightful to me.

knocking 09’s door with salad, sausage bites and warm pies,

sweet milky red bean paste over one and a half of sparklings.

i was a little nervous but we trust it's the only right way to do it.


come midnight, and i became a big fan of these hours.

beside me were the girls who take care of me differently.

and i love how they make me feel.

over the fireworks we shared wishes on where we would be next year.


Looking back, doesn’t matter much.

this time i’d like to think that

some of the things i did poorly are as nice as the things i did well.


i'm up.

Posted by nidya at Sunday, January 04, 2009

(2) comments

Sunday, April 20, 2008

paper balls

hey its already april.

meaning ive lived in this address for a year now,

though not really alone.

my two guinea pigs have double their size since august.

i want my money back.


first quarter of this year felt really full somehow.

overwhelmed by work but slowly grow into it.


the highlight was mamas and nanas visit to melbourne.

the duo came in March with two suitcases and much glee.

naturally i showed off my survival skills in this jungle.

didnt realise it could come out too strong on them.


but we learned each other again.

i figured they love raisin toast too.

i found them enjoying english breakfast tea while sitting at home chirping.

and i realised they like snacking away my fried dumplings and m&ms too.


ive grown accustomed to liking what they like my entire life.

to figure out that they also like what i like, is a different thing.

its a satisfying feeling,

insecurely speaking.


we road tripped a lot together.

drove through scenic routes, beaches and wineries.

mined some brown pebbles in Sovereign Hill,

rode a horsey cart, took pics with people in period dresses and banjo.

Very touristy.


but more actions happen in the city.

nana saw some nudes in melbourne museum, squinted her eyes.

and we were kinda lost in the flower show, so huge, so pretty.

but you should see nanas face in the casino.

Very. Judgemental. but funny.


some ice cream, few chocolates, and heaps of chinese later

they flew back home to jakarta.

the suitcases still two, but something felt heavier.

it hits me again how far they actually are from here.


but that was few weeks ago.


back to routine and its cronies now.

crossing off the list as i go.

these all feel like a skeletal version of the story.

i cant wait to put some flesh to the bones


and start running chasing whatever.

Posted by nidya at Sunday, April 20, 2008

(2) comments

Sunday, January 20, 2008

chewing elephant

Welcome to 2008, everyone.

I’m beginning to settle into this 2008-thing. No longer writes 07 in dates

entry. Apparently Im very attached to last year. Amongst other things.


How was your new year? How was your old year?

My 2007 was high on sugar. Dizzyingly sweet I almost regret.

And as for 2008, I started mine with a high so high and a low so low

on the very same day. It was quite a story eventually. But Ill get over it.


Im enjoying a nice routine these days. Its different from last year.

Last year when I work full time in a coffee shop, I often had jumbled

schedules and random day offs.


And day offs is syrupy. I like waking up in the morning knowing that

there is a blank day ahead of me that could be filled with anything.

Some days they were exceptionally productive and fun,

some days they were awfully boring I died,

some days they were directionless and full of questioning.


Questions like - what am I doing in Melbourne?

Is this where im supposed to be? Is this what Im supposed to be doing?

Have I gone down some wrong roads?

Should I go back to Jakarta? When?

Should I move elsewhere instead? Do something new?

Do postgrad maybe? Really?


So many directions to consider I seem to forget the original.

Its like KFC meal box. And you dont know where to start.

Maybe I should advertise for a housemate.. I seem lost without.


Things I learned from these questions, though..

What I need now is not seeking more heavy changes

in environment or people or landscapes.

I just need to have new eyes in seeing things.

And take my time to work on this one I have, before moving on.


That me, suddenly bookkeeping, invoicing, sorting clients,

driving places, driving home, seeing friends, serving coffee,

all in a city that appreciates art and weather..

as things do need to start, Im glad it started here.


It may sound quite the opposite,

but instead of boring me to sleep, routine wakes me up.

Maybe life is one day at a time. You eat whats on your plate for the day.

Sometimes its too much, sometimes too little.

But no one asks you to chew an elephant.


I was lacking some routines last year and thats why it feels

so nice having them back. Athough in the back of my head I know routines

dont stay remarkable like this.


But at least im taking notes for me. I think noting phases we go

through is necessary. Or maybe because Im forgetful.


So much for a new years ponder I think.

I vote for three things to shape up this year:


having new eyes,

keeping the original plan in mind,

and no chewing elephant.


Enjoy the rest of the year, everyone.

Posted by nidya at Sunday, January 20, 2008

(2) comments

Thursday, December 27, 2007

ice ice baby

on Xmas eve i noticed a tree in a unit 2 doors from mine.

someone had hung crystals, silver ribbons, mirror balls, angels,

gold, red, and silver ornaments on a dead leafless gumtree.

there was an amber light shooting up from below that tree.

and they created the most beautiful and arresting sight.


ive never been much for Xmas,

but this act of beauty delighted me.

it inspired me to make pretty on things.


come to think of it, how cute was that one person

who first decided to decorate a tree so many many years ago.

now many trees have been decorated and loved

celebrating the beauty that he/she first inspired.


i wonder if we all can have that opportunity.

to at least for once, be that cool first person who

decorates trees. or cupcakes. or sounds.

and make the already beautiful world an evenmore.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, December 27, 2007

(0) comments

Friday, December 14, 2007

craving paper-cuts

i landed an interview a few wednesdays ago.

surprisingly landed a training last last wednesday.

and ecstatically landed a job on that busy monday.


a career


it is in a cozy little head office.

7 people on board.

each with terrifyingly huge responsibilities.

so we work so close to each other

we make each others coffee.


5 days of my diddly daddly there,

im overloaded with information.

fell in love with paper-clips and post-its,

intrigued by stamp-roller and stapler-biters.


everything is new. and old.

strange, yet oddly familiar.


it feels like i knew this before.


i knew waking up early in the morning,

having breakfast in the car.

i knew listening to morning talkshows on the radio,

sing a long and bopping silly.


i knew lunch breaks. i knew snacks.

i knew asking questions and being asked.


its like school only cooler.


cos i get to drive 110km/hr on that sunny eastern freeway everyday.

and i get to park my car under that wine-coloured tree.

get an L-shape table, pc and the lot.

and a big window with New Panda chinese restaurant view.


and only to add the coolness:

boss said our team worked hard this week,

so we went to New Panda for yum-cha.

and boss paid.


...


i know!


...

Posted by nidya at Friday, December 14, 2007

(2) comments

Thursday, November 15, 2007

dark chocolate

i was revisiting the ideas of that girl that was me

who in May moved into that address on her own.

im a bit startled by the notes she scribbled there.


i look at her accusingly

like she has performed the ultimate betrayal.

she then explains to me that it startles her too, this everything.


she is startled that loneliness is real.

and that it cramps sneakily when changing channels 11pm.


she is startled that distress, she has plenty of them.

enough to skip a cup of tea, enough to forget making phonecalls,

and doing right things right.


so perhaps im being a little too hard on her.

afterall im startled by the depth of love that im capable of

as i find myself holding a wealth of memories

and taking them places with me


like all things bittersweet.


ill try to listen to her for once.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, November 15, 2007

(0) comments

Monday, November 05, 2007

instant noodle

Long before I booked tickets, bought chocolates

and packed my suitcase for Jakarta,

I remembered worrying about how October was going to unfold.

How it would be the month of catching-ups.

And how catching-up means Questions.


Questions are caring and so nice to being asked.

But they can be intimidating sometimes.

I worried because I know I havent got the perfect replies

to some important FAQs.

Like career. Like future plans.


But turned out October was full of answers.

It was relaxing and thoughtful,

a feast of fun stuffs, gratitudes, and good luck wishes..

a feast from Nasi bakar to Jimbaran..


My humble thank yous to my dear family and friends.

Im sorry I couldnt catch-up with every single one of you.

My thoughts are with you.


Now it feels like a different Melbourne.

I am feeling better.

Thanks to all the questions asked.

More than anything they were full of love.

Posted by nidya at Monday, November 05, 2007

(4) comments

Friday, September 14, 2007

simple like ice-cream

Cannot help it. I need to brag.

Need to tell that I recently went to Katie Noonan and Tori Amos gig.

Such different performers, both eccentric, both profoundly moved me.

Watching them perform I seemed to twist and flutter.

They were so rich and passionate and I was so small in the room.


So good that I didnt spend the last half hour of the performance

wondering what the performers had for dinner.


So good that I left the theater buzzing,

wanting to think about it, talk about it, write about it.


Although as always, when I am overwhelmed by something,

I tend to shut down, shift into freestyle mode and

nothing gets done properly.


So envious of them, passionate people, in general.

Not so proud of admitting this, but Ive never considered myself

a person who is passionate or proactive.

I just like things. And really really really like things.

But I still dont know what I exactly love doing.

I give up on them easily.


It is a loaded word, passion.

I wish it was simple.

Posted by nidya at Friday, September 14, 2007

(2) comments

Friday, September 07, 2007

the build-up

I like September.

After September days weeks and months usually fly.

And the next day i wake up is usually New Year.

Not because nothing matters after September. Or before.


It is all about the build-up.

You can see the tail of holidays ahead

and your heart starts singing.


And September means Spring in Melbourne.

A liberating season to many people,

Scandinavians in particular,

according to Jenny K. Blake:


(warning: there are boobies)

Happy Spring everyone!

Posted by nidya at Friday, September 07, 2007

(0) comments

Monday, August 13, 2007

missing orange

i have a classic habit of saving the best for last.

the last bite on my plate, is the bite i choose to linger in my mouth.

the bite that (i think) celebrates the food

how (i think) it is best remembered by.


and i do it naturally.


like last sunday.

went to prahran market and bought a little bunch of orange.

at home, by nature, i selected the plumpest and juiciest orange

and separated it from the bunch.

put it on the kitchen counter, to eat later.

to eat last.


after some commotions of weekend cleaning,

(that i was so into of),

that particular orange dissappeared.

i didnt sweat about it. it was just an orange.


but strangely enough, i couldnt stop looking for it.

during the ads on the tv show i was watching,

i looked under the couch.

while making tea and washing the dishes,

i crawled and peeked under the fridge.


ive been looking for my orange all day long.

ive looked everywhere. and ive looked again.


now im scared. i feel consumed. by an orange.


WHERE IS THE ORANGE?

Posted by nidya at Monday, August 13, 2007

(2) comments

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

going cuckoo

this morning in the train, next to the window and the walking trees,

this afternoon at work, behind the touch-screen and display chocolate,

this evening at Safeway, on the pasta & sauces alley no. 8,


i wanted everyone around me to stop what they were doing,

turn their heads towards my direction, glare,

and scream at me in unison,


APPLYYY

FORRR

JOBSSS

NIDYAAAA!!!


APPLYY FORR JOBSSS

FOR GOODNESS SAAAKE!!!


APPLYYYYYY!!!*&#$%#^*


......


but they didnt.


i was disappointed.

Posted by nidya at Wednesday, August 01, 2007

(2) comments

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

10 chipmunk years

had my driving license converted to Australian this afternoon

i was quite happy then, so i smiled for the picture.


but something happened during the take.

i think i smiled a little too wide.


inevitably i look like a chipmunk,

Posted by nidya at Wednesday, July 25, 2007

(1) comments

Friday, July 20, 2007

twentysomething

do you think people are more shaped by what they hear and see, or

do you think the things they hear and see

are more shaped by who they are?


I was walking home from work and found myself admiring a rainbow

just above the hilly turn of my unit blocks.

And I found myself thinking that it is kind of funny that I am still infatuated

by the same things I was when I was a little girl.

I still love rainbows.


And I still want Doraemon to show up from my desk drawer too.


Because when I said I wanted to grow up,

I did not mean every part of me.

Though I yearn for becoming an adult,

growing more fully into ourselves sounds more rewarding still.


After some serious House/Techno/Trance months,

I find myself once again enjoying quiet folk and breezy tunes.

After some serious girly necklace-wearing months,

I find myself once again wearing t-shirts, hoodie and converse sneakers.

And I like postcards very much, again.


Perhaps the things I have done,

the places I have been, the people I have met

they did not intend to change me more than I let them.

Like a part of a wonderful dance,

they just walk me to stretch and exercise and see.


Looking back at my twentyone was like all these mental exercises.

It was like eating a whopper burger.

So tasty, so unhealthy, so quickly munched,

I would do it again.


now twentytwo twentythree twentynine will pass o so quickly

but i want them to be full and fearless

fruitful and flavoursome

fun and fluorescent


the best decade yet to come

Posted by nidya at Friday, July 20, 2007

(0) comments

Friday, July 06, 2007

peach plum pear

today was kinda lovely.


ate toast with butter and jam before i left

took a rainy walk to the station with an earful of songs, it was delicious.

so delicious that i am tempted to tell you about the colour of the winter sun

and the grey clouds and the intimacy of the songs

and how theyre soundtracking the people i passed by like in movies

how i wanted to link arms with them. kiss their cheeks.

but these things are hard to tell.

it just was a kinda sweet day.


jumping over puddles kinda sweet.


sweet how i could fog my heart out when i breathe outdoor

sweet how money is so tight, but i feel so taken care of

sweet how i look forward to Sunday to leave twentyone

feel like im holding my breath until


there are bad days when life seems bleak

and big and scary to face alone.

and there are good days when life seems big and promising.

the Newsoms Peach Plum Pear - listening days when things are changing

playfully. mysteriously. and urgently.


like today

it was peach plum pear.

Posted by nidya at Friday, July 06, 2007

(0) comments

Saturday, June 16, 2007

jello snake tree

Meet Manda.



My early memory of her was her giving me a 6 inch fruit jello snake

in one dry Susan Earps lecture. She then demonstrated to me

The Appropriate way to eat a jello snake: Pinch one tail up, face

facing up to the ceiling, mouth wide open, chew gradually upwards from

the bottom end and slurp the last half like a noodle. I was amused.


She may not be so girly, but i think she is many things healthier.

She is warm and charming and owns the art of making people comfortable

around her. She takes her time to get to know people, and peels the

characters often unobserved down to insecurities. So naturally,

she would break many hearts along the way. And yes,

she admits she did. But I can tell she is never anyones regret.


When I think of Manda, I think of the girl who spoke up when

the room fell silent and awkward. I think of the walks around the city,

half-priced Monday movies, and spontaneity. I think of the girl who dived

the sea and climbed the mountains. I think of great long talks of juvenile

things like Seths hairdo, apple crumble, and the politics.

To thoughtful things like love, family, and God.


She inspires me to dream differently. She wants to be like a tree.

And she reminds me of a tree. She reminds me of something that grows

and gives and true. I envy her closeness with nature and her love of our

home country and self-worth. It is something so admirable that I would be

ashamed to not follow her lead.


She likes her tea with milk. She likes her clothes comfortable,

her make-up minimum. She likes to sit on the right side of the couch,

a Mac on her lap, ever-playing some songs.


I’m so glad we were once housemates.


She is a total rockstar.


Good luck, Manda.

Posted by nidya at Saturday, June 16, 2007

(3) comments

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

mad monday

ive just had one of those mondays

that lingers long after tuesday.


and it is already wednesday

but still breathing like i was that day.


this monday was diary different,

this one stays a little too long.


because i feel like rewinding it,

for all the right reasons and wrong.

Posted by nidya at Wednesday, June 13, 2007

(2) comments

Thursday, June 07, 2007

the politics of food

so fascinating and thought-provoking.

photos of 15 families from around the world,

and what they eat during the course of a week.


So worth checking out.


Japan: so much msg on so little table.

USA: it is not ADHD, parents..

Ecuador: is it the food or the smiles that make the photo so colourful?


mm.. bet the book would be a great conversation starter.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, June 07, 2007

(1) comments

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

little fish lost

She said life is like the ocean.


fish swims,

fish crosses the sea,

fish gets a Permanent Resident.


Now fish can stay here long.


Longer than fish knows.

Posted by nidya at Wednesday, May 16, 2007

(6) comments

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

girl in room 3

i cant decide which one is the more exciting day:

the day i moved into this new home about two weeks ago,

or the day the internet is finally connected about two hours ago.

either one, im on a high again.


the moving out and in is an old story now.

and though im still living from a suitcase - cos im tired of unpacking -

i consider myself home.

- did a chicken teriyaki ceremony to make it official -


i did, too, enjoy a lovely reunion with pen and paper,

although i terribly missed the internet and at few nights

caught myself watching BigBrother. oh the horror.

but (thankfully) also catching up with some saucy xy movies on SBS.

and obviously this time no one would comment

on my blushing throughout the film. (eheh)


and so much of a space to do my own things here.

i love every single bits of my new home.

an overstatement, i know, clouded by my exploring mood.

but who wouldnt be excited?

my nextdoor neighbour is a hardcore raver. whoa.


and funnily this new found excitement on these new things

makes me love my job more. feels like things matter again.

i grow more fondness to the smell of chocolate

and coffee and pastries and all of them together.

and the royalty of having strawberries and fondues

and waffles and souffles for staff meals, hits my head again.

let alone being entertained by countless characters that surrounds

the chocolate bar.

oh im spoiled. and i like it.


a warm big hug from barnsbury rd to everyone!

Posted by nidya at Tuesday, May 08, 2007

(0) comments

Thursday, April 05, 2007

on the move

i said goodbye

to the walls, doors, kitchen, and floor in capri.

and i know they were listening.


the keys have been returned,

and im now somewhere in clayton.

i keep asking myself, is it real?

did we just drive cross suburb with all of my belongings?


i find myself on peculiar streets with unfamiliar names and houses,

where the vivid sound of train passes by every 20.

driving wide-eyed and realised car park is free in this side of town.


im now halfway to where im going.

its less than 2 weeks, before i move again and live solo.

the feeling is still surreal and i just cant shake it.

maybe i dont want to shake it because its all terribly exciting.


but im dying to say this:

thank you to everyone who wished me luck,

prayed for my safety (and sanity).

who thought of me and checked in on me,

who left comments or emails or offline messages.

or helped in any big or small way.

a thousand times over, i thank you.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, April 05, 2007

(2) comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007

leaving Bank street

the boxes have been packed and the truck will soon be loaded.

some guy named Hun is booked to drive my stuffs from and to rooms.


friday, i leave for clayton.

two weeks of staying over at michelle's ahead of me,

then i will leave for south yarra.

because good things are worth the wait.


then Barnsbury Rd will be part of my writings,

everytime i commit to something and share my personal details.

like to phone bills. love letters. priceline membership. la porchetta pizza.


ive never lived by myself before. so i dont really know.

and that is the best part of all this:

the not knowing. the closing of the eyes and the leaping:

Blyth street to Bank street to Barnsbury road.


so here i go.

see you on the other side.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, March 29, 2007

(4) comments

Thursday, March 15, 2007

house of box

Boxes are all over our apartment.

Box saying Fragile!,

Box saying Donations,

Box saying Coats,

Box saying Books,

Box saying nothing,

Box for everything.


This place is boxed.


Theyre ready to move out.

and im still holding on

to my door key.

Posted by nidya at Thursday, March 15, 2007

(1) comments

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

the crooks of my blanket

beneath the sheets now, eyes shut but wide.

didnt drink coffee but cant fall asleep

i wish for a fast forward button to April or May

and skip this whole mess of finding a new home,

waiting for a silly residential Paper, browsing for desired jobs,

etc etc etc..


but then to not feel this rush, not walk through it,

would be the biggest mistake wouldnt it?

for it softens our edges, whatever that means.

this is what theyve been raving about.

about the Beginning.


so although i crave for stillness sometimes,

i find extraordinary peace in movement.

and im not complaining one bit.

i will not press that fast forward button,

unless it comes with a rewind and slo-mo.


and the pause button is this very moment every night.

when i get lost in the crooks of my blanket,

which i seem to fit all too well.

thinking to sleep. sleeping to think.


i feel safe here.

Posted by nidya at Wednesday, March 14, 2007

(0) comments

Thursday, February 15, 2007

material girl

Posted by nidya at Thursday, February 15, 2007

(1) comments

Thursday, February 08, 2007

these tangled feet

On one fateful January day an idea popped in a couples minds;

Posted by nidya at Thursday, February 08, 2007

(0) comments

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