Sunday, December 31, 2006
water
I survived 2006, a year I feared too much.
I felt grateful.
A little less disappointed
slightly more relieved
a little more graduated
a bit more resolved
way more discovering
and discovered
But far more scared
And heaps more vulnerable
than I was a year ago.
Life has many beginnings, and now is one of them.
I should no longer run auto-pilot on many things.
Like lectures, or library visits, or tutes.
Mostly I did those, just because.
Now I need to take time and be present.
In life, career, and relationships.
To live like I mean it.
I intend to breathe deeper, speak up more, act more and be better
with people. Id like to take more pictures too, draw more sketches,
write more journals, read more books and papers, eat more ice creams,
drive more road trips, cook more savouries, practice more guitar,
and decorate more walls, and perhaps more exercise wont hurt.
This year I wish for patience and self-worth and honesty
And wisdom to see if there is real love waiting.
But not rushing. Never rushing.
I am committed to be more employed. And earn independence.
and I also intend to give more.
Because we owe each other so much.
So many things to want, to do and expected,
I cant help but fear what if I cant accomplish them well.
I always feel like I havent tested the water close enough.
I dont know how cold or how deep or what creatures swimming inside.
and I have to jump into this with only what I can carry.
I guess of all the trusts Ive earned,I havent yet earned it from myself.
Posted by nidya at Sunday, December 31, 2006
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